My dear friend Melissa gave me this idea, it is called Just Write. Just get it out there, what you saw, felt, experienced that day. So, here goes...
She gets me every time. No matter how hard I try to blow it off, she gets me. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm a horrible selfish person that always puts me first. I just don't get it. I should be so used it by now, you would think in 40 years, I would be right! She builds me up, just to tear me down and takes advantage of every chance she can to do it!
I'm so proud of myself for trying to complete my Master's Degree after 11 years. I took some serious time off to have kids, kids which I do recall 11 years ago I was never having. But, after much pressure from her, I caved! So, this is finals week, I have 4 freaking days to complete my finals, they open them on Sunday afternoon and they have to be complete by Thursday. Who the hell will wait until Thursday to do it, not me! I did that last semester and it totally sucked. So, I mentioned to her that I was going to work with Joey on his book report that is due in November when I was finished with my final. Damn if that wasn't the wrong thing to do. She tore me up! "Your this, Your that, it is always you. When are you ever going to put your kids first." I felt like yelling at her, "when did you ever help me with my homework?" "NEVER" Because she was never home! And even if she were, she wouldn't have helped because it was MY homework not HERS!
Then she brings up the scrap booking! I go out with my friends one day a month to scrapbook, and I usually end up making her a book! She does nothing but complain that I never spend time with my kids because I'm out with my friends all the time! One day out of 30 is all the time! So, Sunday I took the girls out shopping, just me and them. We had a great day! Hit the mall, got some cute clothes at PS Aeropostale which now carries their size! And of course Build A Bear (which I heard about), and lunch and a ride on the merry go round! On the way home we hit a farm for some apple cider doughnuts and a sugar free pie for my daddy! I of course got her some doughnuts! As soon as we walked in the house she started about the damn bears! what did you buy those for, they have enough of those, what a waste of money, blah. blah, blah! I just said, they were very good, and I wanted them to have them. So, of course she makes me feel like shit for treating my girls to a good day! Oh and the CUTE jacket that I got myself at Gap, HAS to go back because ti cost $70. You shouldn't spend that much money on yourself. UM, I just lost 100 freaking pounds, I do not have a jacket that fits me, but I will take it back and go to Good Will!
I'm so stuck, I want to move so far away or tell her how I feel, but I can't. She is our babysitter and we already have gone through this so many times of her walking out. I cannot afford full time daycare for the girls, and they do not start full time kindergarten until next year! I am just going to have to suck it up and deal! It's times like this I wish I didn't have this tiny tummy cause I could use a good binge right about now!!
1 comments:
grr. this is my mother right here. i know how it feels. but what's worse, she would be pissed that i spent money on me and the girls and not her. mind you, i paid her $300 a week for babysitting, off the books, back in the day. and she lived with me during periods when whoever she lived with couldn't stand her. and paid her while she was living in my house for free and she was still unreliable.
i was a divorced mom who made money. i paid every darn bill on time and would buy my girls and myself something every other friday. and get my hair and nail done.
my mother hated this. now i'm a wahm and she hates that too. hubby supports me in this cause he wants me home with the toddlers and in reach when my teens need me. we're surviving fine. she still gripes, go get a real job. i mostly work when everyone's sleeping. every now and then i take a call from a client during the day. since she's living with me for free, again, (it was suppose to be a month or two, it's been over a year) I'll ask her to watch the kids for 15 minutes while i take a call and she'll insult me about not paying attention to my kids. I moved once to get away from her. i want to do it again, but hubby says no. she's willing to move if i pay her 4k. where am i suppose to get that from? so until my income tax return time comes along, which will probably be february i have to take the crap. i hear you my sister and you feel free to reach out to me if you need someone who can relate.
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