Living Beyond the Band

My dear friend Melissa gave me this idea, it is called Just Write. Just get it out there, what you saw, felt, experienced that day.  So, here goes...

She gets me every time.  No matter how hard I try to blow it off, she gets me.  I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  I'm a horrible selfish person that always puts me first.  I just don't get it.  I should be so used it by now, you would think in 40 years, I would be right!  She builds me up, just to tear me down and takes advantage of every chance she can to do it!

I'm so proud of myself for trying to complete my Master's Degree after 11 years.  I took some serious time off to have kids, kids which I do recall 11 years ago I was never having.  But, after much pressure from her, I caved!  So, this is finals week, I have 4 freaking days to complete my finals, they open them on Sunday afternoon and they have to be complete by Thursday.  Who the hell will wait until Thursday to do it, not me!  I did that last semester and it totally sucked.  So, I mentioned to her that I was going to work with Joey on his book report that is due in November when I was finished with my final.  Damn if that wasn't the wrong thing to do.  She tore me up!  "Your this, Your that, it is always you.  When are you ever going to put your kids first."  I felt like yelling at her, "when did you ever help me with my homework?"  "NEVER" Because she was never home! And even if she were, she wouldn't have helped because it was MY homework not HERS!

Then she brings up the scrap booking! I go out with my friends one day a month to scrapbook, and I usually end up making her a book!  She does nothing but complain that I never spend time with my kids because I'm out with my friends all the time! One day out of 30 is all the time!  So, Sunday I took the girls out shopping, just me and them.  We had a great day! Hit the mall, got some cute clothes at PS Aeropostale which now carries their size! And of course Build A Bear (which I heard about), and lunch and a ride on the merry go round! On the way home we hit a farm for some apple cider doughnuts and a sugar free pie for my daddy!  I of course got her some doughnuts! As soon as we walked in the house she started about the damn bears!  what did you buy those for, they have enough of those, what a waste of money, blah. blah, blah!  I just said, they were very good, and I wanted them to have them.  So, of course she makes me feel like shit for treating my girls to a good day! Oh and the CUTE jacket that I got myself at Gap, HAS to go back because ti cost $70.  You shouldn't spend that much money on yourself.  UM, I just lost 100 freaking pounds, I do not have a jacket that fits me, but I will take it back and go to Good Will!

I'm so stuck, I want to move so far away or tell her how I feel, but I can't.  She is our babysitter and we already have gone through this so many times of her walking out.  I cannot afford full time daycare for the girls, and they do not start full time kindergarten until next year!  I am just going to have to suck it up and deal!  It's times like this I wish I didn't have this tiny tummy cause I could use a good binge right about now!!

I cannot believe that it has been a year already!  My how time flies when you are healthy and living your life to the fullest.  My blog has been taking a back seat to life, I have so much energy that I do not have time to sit and write about what I have been up to.  In the past year I have made it to my goal of a Normal BMI which for my height is 141 pounds.  I am actually below that right now and would like to get down to 135.  I am now into a size 6 jeans for everyday wear, but can get into a size 4.  As for eating, I can comfortably eat about 3 oz of solid protein per meal, with about 1 oz of veggies (sometimes).  I can eat about a cup of soup, about 1/2 cup of yogurt, a piece of toast, 1/4 of a bagel, and lots of stuff I really shouldn't eat.  The best thing about the sleeve is that I NEVER throw up, as I did with the band.  I never get sick either, I love my sleeve.  It is such an amazing tool as opposed to the horrible experience that I had with the Band.

Life is good now, the kids are getting older and we are having fun!  Amazing things happen when you are at a healthy weight and can move normally again.

Here is my before!